the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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