Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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