I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
