he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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