i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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