I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
