dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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