She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
