just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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