I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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