He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
