Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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