Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
