no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
BRING THE BAGELS
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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