Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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