he wants to bone in the snuggie
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
