Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
