My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
