I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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