first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I don't think brook has ever known best
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
