So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
