Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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