I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
