We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
