I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
