He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
