i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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