thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
