Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
