It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
