i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
