Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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