i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He better not be in your backpack
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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