Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
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I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
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So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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