There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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