If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
