he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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