And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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