I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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