marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
