Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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