Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
