I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
