Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
