You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
