So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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