i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
