4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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