Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
