She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
