Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
