I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
