in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
