goodnight i made you a song goodbye
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
