life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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