Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
