pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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