i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
