u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
