He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
