and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
