She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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