Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
